I've been pretty horrible about biking lately. Not gonna' lie. Instead of beating myself up about it, I just stood back and tried to figure out why.
1) No on site laundry. My lease is up soon, so that will be at the top of the list of things I'm looking for.
2) Shitty bike. I love my bike, don't get me wrong, but it was never meant to be my life partner. She was a lust affair, plain and simple. But she is all wrong for me. We don't fit that well. She causes me pain. Makes me numb. She has no intention of changing and neither do I. The amount of work it would take to make us manageable is not worth the gains. So, we had a talk. We know it's a lame duck situation. I've decided to get to work on the Nishiki. The Nishiki knows about Jez. It's all out in the open. We all just hope for a smooth transition.
3) Speaking of The Nishiki, I went to Greasy Fixins this last Saturday and with a little help from my friends stripped her down and donated the parts. The Nishiki's handlebars found a loving new home and her other bits are resting peacefully in donation bins. She will hopefully be powder coated within the month. Then it's all new parts from there. Can't wait.
4) I'd also like to make a shout out to Annie Gillberg who has been the little angel on my right shoulder reminding me to ride my bike when I get wimpy. Yesterday morning I was planning out my to-do list and was thinking about a bill I had to pay on the outskirts of town. My first reaction was that I could take the Mom Van and deliver it later in the day. Then I remembered how many times I've been lazy lately and how Annie is always good for a "You should ride your bike." So I did.
At 4:30am I stopped what I was doing and wrapped myself in my hoodie. I threw my bag over my shoulder, unlocked my bike, and headed out. Everything was so quiet and wonderful. It reminds me of a quote from Home at the End of the World...
When the place is all dark, when you and Clare have gone to sleep, and I'm awake, it's like being alive and being dead at the same time, y'know? It's this sorta halfway thing, where people who are alive are dreaming and people who are dead are... where they are. And I'm here... in the dark and the quiet.
It also reminded me of how much anxiety I've had about finding a few new friends or a social circle that feels like home. It's been my focus, when really the more significant thing I've been separated from is my dynamic solitude. Being out on the road on my bike at an hour before the birds are awake, when all of my other biker friends are probably sufficiently drunk and just going to bed and hours before most others are thinking of waking up, I found myself in a long lost nebula of sparkly solitude. And it was good.
In that simple ride I discovered so many new little nooks and crannies, stairways and trails, underpasses and routes. It reminds me of how little I truly know about my own hometown and how many other secrets the city holds - things that my other friends already know because biking truly is their life. It was a great organic motivation.
I also realized I could ride no handed. I know...big deal to those who have mastered their hipster tricks, but for me it was pretty awesome. I had always been stuck on the first wobble when I went to let go. For some reason, in that silverblue light of dawn, I just sat up and went. I felt like a kid again. I found byke joy. I have missed it. I have missed it all.
It's good to be back.
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